A Word From the Cat

Dear "President" Bush-

     I was reading that you are going to "admit" you should have sent additional troops into Iraq last year and ask the American public tonight to forgive you for making such an egregious error.  As I understand it, you are hoping to deploy an additional 21,500 troops and are seeking American support to keep Iraq from plunging into total anarchy.

    Now, let me tell you, as one sadistic son of a bitch to another, "give up already!"  Your little game is really starting to piss me off because you're making us tyrants look like we're totally incapable of getting the job done.  If you can't blow up Iraq already then get over yourself.  Your Daddy couldn't do it and neither can you.  The reality is you're just a little bitch who's too afraid to get the job done because you're too afraid of your masses who, by the way, were stupid enough to vote for you and stupid enough to go to war for you but, unfortunately, not stupid enough to fall for your latest mission of mercy to liberate all those people in Iraq who hate America.  Now, even though they've finally figured it out, you can thank your lucky stars that this country is full of chickens just like you who are too yellow to just get rid of your ineffective ass already and you are able to go on with this charade.  If you're lucky you might be able to escape without having to kill yourself. 

    I think I'm a pretty good judge of character and I think I can sniff out my own kind.  Let's face it, you've certainly killed more American troops than 9/11 terrorists did.  You keep sending Americans into a country that doesn't want us there and the more that die, the more you send.  It seems like a good plan to rally the idiotic patriot Americans to your side while at the same time scaring the tree-hugging liberals into thinking you're the only one that can protect them.  I won't fault you for the rehashed plans you stole from Adolf Hitler and the Nazis but I will fault you for not finishing this thing already.  Don't you see?  Your masses are catching on you idiot!  Americans especially are only interested in tyrants who are able to win wars for them quickly.  Now FDR, he was a great tyrant!     

       Now I will admit, the so-called "illegal" photos of Saddam's hanging were pretty slick.  After all, you can't keep a flock of morons in line if they have any reason to believe you haven't gotten rid of the cause of their unrest.  A cell phone here, a "leaked" image there and viola!  But, let's face it, you didn't come up with this one did you?  It reeks of some intern who stopped giving you a blow-job for five seconds to coach you on a little thing we real tyrants call "propaganda."  But the thing is that intern (who, for all we know, probably is Saddam himself safely nestled away in your pussy arms while your flock looks on as a cheap imitation get hanged via Boost mobile) failed to realize in all of his worldly travels is that propaganda is supposed to brainwash your soft-brained flock.  Dumb-ass. 

     You know, a lot of people say you're like a monkey.  But I'm not going to say that.  You can teach monkeys to do shit whereas, with you, apparently you just don't learn.  If anyone is a monkey it's all those Americans who haven't stood up to you.  But you know as well as I do that they're all finally catching on and eventually one of them will grow some balls.  Not you though. And to say you are as smart as a monkey would be insulting that monkey because eventually even they can learn the difference between shit and shinola. 

     Let me spell it out for you.  Your work as a tyrant is shit and as a result you are going to end up with shinola.  You're a failure as a tyrant and, as a force to be reckoned with, you're a joke.  I know it, the Iraqi's know it, and your wife knows it.  Why don't you do the same thing every other lackluster middle-aged pussy does and go buy a god-damned motorcycle already and hand the reigns over to someone who really knows how to cause damage.  There are plenty of qualified psychos in this country. 

    After all, the one thing we real tyrants know is: What good is it winning the war if you have to kill all your minions to do it?               

                                                                                        -Brandy