And that's what the holidays are all about, Charlie Brown

      So it is that holiday time again.  This time of year distresses me immensely for many reasons, the most important of these being that it seems that for all the coca-cola polar bear commercials Americans still can't seem to embody the holiday spirit.  That is to say, Americans are still self-serving jerks who get all pissy because they have to subject themselves to the idea that their personal gratification is not immediate. 

     Now before I expound any further, I want to make it clear, this post is in no way trying to hide behind my usual mask of bitter sarcasm.  I believe everything I am writing/ every question I am asking to be honest and not exaggerated merely to provoke "a rise."

     That being said...  It is usually understood in American Dogma that the holiday season is a time to reflect on the good things happening in one's life and to try and transfer the sense of that appreciation on to others within your community and beyond.  So, why do Americans feel that this idea means they can be unflinchingly cruel to those around them using the defense that the other person, the person who is not catering to them, is "not in the holiday spirit"?  Why does a time in which giving should be the focal point still ultimately about getting? 

     I have been thinking about this a lot lately because, admittedly, I have been dealing with a large amount of people who I believe at their core are, year-round, selfish pricks.  I only partially blame them for this because they are probably just missing something psychologically which tells them they don't have to try so hard or that chip in their brain which reminds them, from time to time, that they are not that important.  These aren't the kind of people who are greedy with money either- those people bother me too, but these people are the people who selfishly treat other people's time and energy as if it were some sort of commercial good there for them to exploit. 

    I have been greatly troubled by this reality for two reasons.  One because, at this point in my life, it seems unfathomable to me that someone would take advantage of someone else's good nature and two, I see in these greedy individuals all my own exploitative endeavors from days gone by (Perhaps this very post is some lame attempt on my part to seek a kind of penance for the wrongs I've committed).

    My immediate reaction to this kind of behavior was, as you might imagine, an immediate spewing of venom and aggression towards the so-called "guilty party."  As you may (or may not) imagine this fury has worn me down quite substantially at this point- mainly because I couldn't understand how my negative behavior wasn't changing the way the offender was behaving.  Why didn't the guilty party see they were causing me pain and, in turn, succumb to my will, or at least bend a little? 

     And then this morning it hit me (for you it probably happened immediately when when reading the hypocrisy of my thinking in the last paragraph)-  The holidays are a time in which I should not expect that people are going to be blindly nice to me, but rather a time when I should forgive them for being cruel or selfish because I, deep down, always want them to do the same thing for me.  Bullying them into being nice doesn't work and being sarcastic and cold basically reinforces the very idea I am at odds with in the first place.  The old saying "treat people the way you yourself would like to be treated" comes to mind. 

    But it's more than just knowing this, I think.  Ultimately, anyone can be cruel and anyone can be "inspired" to do good.  It's easy.  But to be kind in the face of cruelty?  To inspire others rather than to rest on your inspiration?  To look another human being in the eye and say "I'm listening"?  That's tough.

     So the next time I see someone yelling about having to wait in line for too long for his hot chocolate at Starbucks, instead of rolling my eyes at his impatience, I'm going to ask him if he would like to go ahead of me.  My hot chocolate will surely taste all the sweeter and, more importantly, so will his.         

   I think, perhaps, that is what the holiday season is all about.

    

                                                                                              -VP

Comments

[Wendell]

This was good for me to read when you first posted this because the Christmas season was just kicking into gear at the bookstore, and I knew we would deal with some crapola. But fortunately most people were respectful and fun to help find something, so it worked out! It's true, though--kill 'em with kindness works, even if one might be using it to throw someone else off. (As in, someone is nasty and expects others to be nasty in response, but gets more kindness. ?!?!)

[Alex]

Wendell G-dog-

I think what I was saying was not be kind to someone so they leave you alone, but rather be kind to someone because perhaps it will inspire them to do the same to others. Lead by example- you know what I mean? Happy Holidays my man!

[Wendell]

Hmm, I thought I replied to this, but obviously not!

I definitely agree on that--do unto others. I'll be the one to use the cheesy phrase of "pay it forward," but I really mean it! Some famous Quaker said "Be patterns, be examples," which is cool, though his specific focus was likely more Quakerly things.

I think I was trying to say that as a penultimate resort to blowing one's stack, killin' with kindness can work, but it is best to truly not let the venom bother you and truly and honestly golden rule that particular situation.

It is a good, useful blog post, and I thank you for writing it!